The English Language

ONLY THE ENGLISH COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS LANGUAGE



We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.



If the plural of man is always called men,

Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?



Then one may be that, and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!



Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;

neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England .

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,

we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,

and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.



And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,

grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends

and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?



If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English

should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.



In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.

We have noses that run and feet that smell.

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?



You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language

in which your house can burn up as it burns

down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,

and in which an alarm goes off by going on.



And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?



AND IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN

PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS, GERMS

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone...but it takes a lifetime to forget someone...

"AND IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN

PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS, GERMS"

lol hehehehe

when i teach my students its the hardest thing trying to explain to them these irregular plural forms caz they always wanna know why

Why is the plural of mouse, mice and not mouses lol

But imagine calling people germs lol i luved tht bit

And if it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true. In this life, I was loved by you.

Killing English


Class teacher once said: "pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

Once Hindi teacher said... "I'm going out of the world to America..."

"DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK..."

Dont... Laugh at the back benches... otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said " why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

Teacher in a furious mood... write down Ur name and father of ur name!!

"Shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

My manager started like this "Hi, I am Pinky, Married with two kids"

"I'll illustrate what I have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

"Will u hang that calender or else I'll HANG MYSELF"

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN, I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us.... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

"Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!"

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone...but it takes a lifetime to forget someone...

dis really killed me off laughing.....

well i m not d BEST but not like d REST.......

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone...but it takes a lifetime to forget someone...

Oh WOW

Is that for real

k k that shouldn't surprise me, i always find things to correct there haha,

but omgg LOL that's hilarious hahahah

why am i paying my insurance thousands of dollars when this dude can check my pulse and see what's wrong

I am gonna find his address

i badly required dis ARATI AURVEDIK CHIKITSA.....really want to learn some of his tricks 4 my part time job --->
AMBY AURVEDIK CHIKITSA....

well i m not d BEST but not like d REST.......

"egjima" hahahahaha

That was hilarious LOL. Is this article for real or what? LOL

Its like wishing for rain, as i stand in the desert, but i am holding you closer than most, because you are my heaven.

***AN ESSAY ON COW***

well i m not d BEST but not like d REST.......