How important are the looks?

How important do you guys think looks are when it comes to being accepted in the society? Do you mind what you are wearing when you step outside the house? Do you believe that people would change the way they look at you if you changed your hairstyle, dressing style, or made some other change?

 

Take it easy -- but take it.

I usually avoid replying to these kinds of threads, as I feel like there is way too much to say, so its so much easier to just not bother. But I am replying to this, and even in the amount i've written I feel like I had to cram and limit myself so that I don't go on forever, hehe

Personally, I don’t value looks much. I know better than to assume how a person is … based on their appearance. In fact, in some cases I’ve seen that people who are better looking have more flaws in their personality as they tend to be vainer and expect special treatment, and people who aren’t so good looking know not to judge a book by its cover. Maybe if I’m with a friend and she tells me that she finds a stranger good looking I might agree but that doesn’t really mean anything, as for me to really like a person it depends on what kind of a person they actually are. For me it’s always been that if I personally get along with a person I’ll find them good looking no matter what, as I won’t be able to see beyond their attributes. In the same way, even if a person is the best looking in the world, I wouldn’t be able to see beyond their flaws if they aren’t a good person.

However, when it comes to society.. I know there ARE many shallow people. I’ve seen people change their perspective on someone just because they maybe lost weight or got a makeover of some sort. I find it really lame, but I’m sort of used to people being like that by now. In fact, when I meet people who AREN’T shallow it amazes me as its something so rare nowadays. I always say that in a way meeting a great friend online at first can be a real gift, as it allows us to get to know the person before we can even be allowed to make any shallow judgments. We learn to love the person for their personality, and by the time we see any pictures we already know we love them just the way they are. In person, it’s a fact that when a person starts talking to you, most of the time it’s something about ure appearance or how you carry ureself which triggers their initial interest in you.

When I get dressed every morning, I always make sure that I’m comfortable with what I’m wearing. I know that when I dress up, its for my own happiness .. it doesn’t always mean that I’m doing it because I’m scared of what society might think about me. I’ve realized that if people WANT to gossip, they’ll gossip no matter how you look, they will find a flaw no matter what. As long as you’re happy, you’re set. So when I say that I do care about what I’m wearing when I step out of the house that doesn’t mean its because I’m scared, its because I like looking good. That doesn’t mean that I’m dressed up like I’m going to a party every time I leave the house .. it could be something simple but as soon as I’m happy with it, I’m good to go. In general, I do prefer simplicity over anything else, natural beauty has always been the most appealing. At times, I could be wearing shorts and a t-shirt and leave the house .. its all about my mood and how I feel.

As for how I’m perceived by people if I change my appearance … hmm, well as for my close friends and my family, I really don’t think they would change their opinion of me as they’d know better than that. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if people who I’m even acquaintances with behaved differently around me as I do know that just because I think a certain way, other people might not. I’ve even heard MANY of my friends tell me that it’s important to be the better looking one in the relationship, as you always have the upper hand, and ure partner will always be the one who has to do what you say. When I hear this it sounds like the SILLIEST thing in the world to me, as I’m like how does that even matter? But apparently many people do believe that. There are people who say that if ure with an average looking person, the chance of them betraying you ever is way less, but for me I’m like but isn’t that just about a persons character? What does that ever have to do with how they look?

Thinking about all of this reminds me of a story. One of my brothers friends, he had a crush on this girl for about 8 months .. and he finally got the courage to go and tell her on valentines day with a necklace and everything, and when he finally got there and saw her ... she apparently didn’t have any make up on and was dressed in sweats, and suddenly it hit him that he really doesn’t like her in that way. Ever since my brother told me this story, I totally lost respect for his friend, and can never see him in the same way. It’s really sad, but we just do live in a shallow world. I’ve FELT people treat me differently when I’ve looked better, so I know that it does make a difference. It shouldn’t but it does, and it probably always will.

I know a lot of what I’m saying may seem idealistic, but I really can’t help but think just this way. I think that vanity is the BIGGEST turnoff, even if I do find someone good looking, the moment I realize that they literally try to use it as an excuse for their behavior or how they treat people, I suddenly lose so much interest.

The fact of the matter is that no one stays beautiful forever, beauty is ALWAYS temporary. However, a GREAT person with a good heart .. that most probably won’t change ever. Whenever I think about this stuff, and about how unfair it is, I remind myself that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. If someone doesn’t find you beautiful, the next person probably will. That’s just how it works, as beauty doesn’t have any requirements or definition. It is to each individual their own. If you’re a good person, people will HAVE to eventually see through that .. just like if ure good looking and a BAD person, maybe you might get a lot of attention initially, but no one will put up with you .. no one CARES enough about ure beauty to put up with you. The fact is, that everyone wants to be beautiful, everyone wants to be appreciated .. and everyone DESERVES to feel beautiful and appreciated .. no matter how they look, because if they are personally happy with it .. that’s all that matters. Often, more than how you look it’s the way you carry ureself. I’ve always felt that ANYONE can look beautiful, you just need to love ureself and truly feel it. Sometimes confidence can make the biggest difference. =)

My Favorite Quote:

“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.” =)

 

Quote:

I've found that it's hard to keep up with society. It's just too demanding. I'm going to admit that I used to think you HAVE to look pretty if you want people to like you. But then I found my group of friends who don't get a rats behind of what I look like, and at that point I didn't care either. So I just gave up, and I wear whatever I think is nice and comfortable. It could be anything really. I could be wearing my best or wearing my worst, because I really don't care.

I sometimes make assumptions by a persons appearance sometimes too. But I later feel bad about it, so I try not to do that either. I went on youtube, and there was this video of celebrities with and without make up. I usually click on these kinds of videos because I want to see what people have to say. There was a comment there saying "I would never leave the house without make up. What would people think? I want to fit in you know." I laughed so hard, but at the same time I felt bad for this person. You shouldn't be judged by your appearance, but your personality. Yeah, yeah I know you've heard it a lot but that's because it's TRUE.

Yesterday I curled my hair into some 1940's hairdo, not because I wanted to fit in with some sort of group, because it was fun! And it looked cool too, so I said..well hey, I can't flat iron it back that'll damage me poor hair, I'll just go to school like this. I shrugged my shoulders and left. And I didn't really notice anyone looking at me differently, or making remarks about my hair. Nothing really happened. I wasn't paying attention about that at the time, but after reading these questions I got to thinking, did anyone say anything about my hair? Not really. Just a couple of my best friends and that's about it. No one out of the blue came up to me and said OMG YOUR HAIR LOOKS SOOO HAWTTT LOL.

I asked a few people about my hair because I'm thinking of doing that to the graduation party. Because that matters. It's a once in a lifetime thing and I want to look purdy for that occasion . People said yeah it looks cool. Another reason was that I don't exactly want to spend money getting my hair done LOLL *kanjoos* so i'm doing it at home

I don't think the people I know would change their perception about me, because the people I see outside of my house are people at school. And they've known me since the beginning of high school, so they won't change their behavior towards me. If they hate me they'll continue hating me, if they like me they'll continue liking me. Whatever LOL.

When generalizing this situation, I think some people care too much about their appearance, and some people don't care at all..and I mean not at all...i mean not showering...i mean greasy hair. I don't know if that has anything to do with appearance, I mean hygiene is important, if you're not clean you might get sick! I know people like that, and I don't know it's sort of hard not to look past that. So..I don't know I guess that's subtopic? Cool topic though

 

khuda mehfooz rakhe har bala se

damn, u girls write too much

Giggles* wrote:

You are definitely kidding here Sohni.. aint it..

Sai wrote:

look whoz talking

Whatevaa...But I agree with you...and I feel vindicated

Even though it's unfortunate, I think society places a a major emphasis on outside beauty. We all grew up with hearing things like "don't judge the book by it's cover" or "beauty comes up from inside". But in reality, that's far from being the truth. If you look at the mainstream media, beauty is one they place major emphasis on. We got celebrities looking as if they are negative zero sizes, and the models- honestly when i look them, i feel bad for them . When there are so many people in the world, even little babies starving for food, what do these models and actresses do? Starve themselves so that they can look pretty. They got all the things in the world at their doorstep and still keep it away cause they have to look pretty. That should show how much the media places emphasis on. If being beautiful on the outside was not important, we wouldn't have so many girls becoming anorexic. These girls put their lives on the line in their attempt to becoming accepted in the society.

I feel in the non celebrity world, looks tend to be more important in being accepted during high school. In my high school, people used to look at what brand of jeans you wear. If you didn't wear one of those expensive brands, you would be treated like an alien. Or for that matter even dressed up, if you didn't look "pretty" in their terms, you would be an outcast. Granted, my school might have been an extreme but in whatever high school the pressure tends to be more. lol i remember in high school i used to take care of myself so much, used to be dressed up everyday cause that was the "norm". May be that's the part of growing up, and when you see shows like america's top model, you kind of have a tendency at that young age to yield to that pressure. At this age, people think YOU HAVE to look pretty to be accepted. you have to look beautiful to get invited to a party. It's the part of growing up and finding your identity i guess. Teenagers have a relatively eating disorder rates, and the media is succeeding i guess.

Probably once you grow up, the importance you place it on might go down. Me personally, the way i look has changed too. when i was younger i used to think my guy has to be prince charming, the most beautiful guy in the world, more like in terms of brad pitt. Now, even though i wouldn't mind brad pitt , i think the emphasis i place it on has decreased. Now it's the how their personality is rather than how they look on the outside, which one day might fade. As you become more mature, you realize that beauty is not permanent and it is a person's personality that's important.Sure you wouldn't mind if the other person is beautiful, but there is more to it than just outside beauty. If a guy looks like brad pitt, that's good, but what if he turns out to be the biggest jerk.

So even though i think people's perceptions change as they grow older, there are few shallow people who still didn't grow up and who never do. One major example are the the abcd guys. May be it's the area i am from, i don't know, but some of them are the most shallow people i have met. They totally ignore everyone around when there is a "beautiful" girl in the arena. The american guys are at least nice and courteous to everyone, but damn the american desi ones, geez i just feel like slapping them.

Do i mind what i wear when i step outside the house- not really as long as i am comfortable in it and i look decent I do however mind if i am wearing it in the right context, like i wouldn't wanna wear sweatpants to interview . But even though the view of as long as i am comfortable, i am ok is true, sometimes even now i have to yield to the pressure. When interviewing, it takes me like an hour or two to get ready. Why-> cause you have to look neat, presentable, beautiful to the interviewer. It is what the society or specifically the interviewer expects, and i find that i have to yield myself to the pressure. It can't be like oh i will be what i am, because i can't work for them if they don't like me for what i am. Because that's kinda my career . So except for the few circumstances where i have to yield to the pressure, i honestly don't care what i wear, as long as i feel comfortable in it.

I don't think my family or friends would change the way they look at me if i changed my appearance. May be some shallow person who thought i was weird or different before might start talking to me but other than that probably not.

HAHAHAHA I'm sure Naveed must be wondering what he got himself into I shall reply when I have a good think about this Since you girls took my trademark kaam of talking (writing) too much, I'll cut down.

 

Looks are the only important thing in this world. And yes, I do mind what I look like when I step out of the house. I mean, I would never show my face!=|